Out of Practice Aphrodite (The Goddess Chronicles Book 1) Read online

  “You may rise, Aphrodite. Do tell. What delightful problem have you stirred up today, my little minx?” Hera clapped her hands in delight and grinned. Although Hera looked kindly, underneath that patrician face lurked a cunning and sadistic mind. After all, she had managed to succeed where thousands of women had failed, snagging Zeus and wrangling him into a marriage that had lasted millennia.

  Straightening from the bow, I wasn’t sure how to respond. Did she not know? Was it possible that Hera’s arrival was only a terrible coincidence or had it been orchestrated by Zeus as a way to let me know what could happen if I chose to disobey him? My silence alerted Hera to the underlying tension between Zeus and me. She raised a manicured brow and turned her sights on Zeus. “Darling? Why the summons if there’s nothing wrong here?”

  I held my breath and prayed like I’d never prayed before. Please don’t tell her. Please just give me one more chance to make this up to you.

  Zeus gave me a measured glance and I poured my heart out to him through my eyes. Or at least I hoped I did. Sometimes men were clueless to the wiles of women.

  “Nothing wrong here, my dear. Only wanted to call you in to see Aphrodite squirm. I know how you so love to see the lower echelon in discomfort.”

  Hera turned a dazzling smile on Zeus. “Right you are, darling. Although, it would be much more fun if I were able to participate in whatever delights you have in store for her.” Hera pouted, showcasing ruby red lips and a slight crinkle in her otherwise perfect brow.

  Zeus, doting as always, said, “Just wait, Hera. I don’t think Aphrodite will be able to pull through what I have in mind for her.”

  I squirmed, unable to imagine what nefarious idea Zeus had in mind. He could be wildly creative when he set his mind to it. Atlas, anyone? Honestly though, I hadn’t worked out in ages. And Atlas already had the job. What could be worse than holding up the heavens for eternity?

  Hera focused her attention on me and offered a predatory grin. “I can’t wait, darling. It’s been many years since I had such a delightful morsel.”

  I shuddered as Hera gave a little finger wave and disappeared from the room. I sank back onto the couch, resting my shaky legs and resisting the urge to lay my head between my knees. Sighing heavily I asked Zeus. “So, what is it? What devious deeds will I need to get through to show my loyalty to Olympus?”

  Zeus, in rather casual form, sat down beside me, his heavy bulk causing the couch to sink. “Hera’s been after you for years, you know.”

  “Lucky me,” I muttered.

  Zeus chuckled good-naturedly. “She may win this time.”

  I glanced sharply at Zeus who had closed his eyes and leaned against the back of the pristine couch. His ebony hair made a stark contrast against the cream color of the sofa and I again noticed how good looking he was.

  “So little faith in me, Zeus?” I chided and reached out a hesitant hand to brush a stray lock of hair from his forehead.

  Zeus captured my hand. “Don’t toy with me, Aphrodite. You know I’ve been entirely too lenient with you and your schemes over the years. Don’t think for one minute that I’ve forgotten anything.” He squeezed, grinding my fingers together. I gasped in pain.

  Struggling to take my hand back, I abruptly stood. Zeus relinquished it and gazed up through heavy lids. “You’ve been earthbound for too long. You should divide your time between Olympus and earth. The nymphs are beginning to suffer your absence and your temple lies in disrepair.”

  I turned away from him, knowing he was right but not knowing if I could return to Olympus for more than brief spans of time. I had lived millennia on Olympus, content to be served, worshipped, and adored from afar, but over the past few hundred years, I had begun to yearn for more independence. I wanted the chance to make my own mistakes and live my life away from the ever watchful eyes of Zeus and the simmering hatred of Hera.

  “I know,” I murmured, hoping he would change the subject but not expecting to be that lucky.

  “And what of Hephaestus?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, bewildered. “I haven’t seen Hephaestus in ages.”

  “He asks of you often.”

  I snorted, knowing it was unladylike but not caring. Scorn seared my voice. “Hephaestus is of no concern of mine. The match between us was at best ill-advised.” I knew I was being nasty and yet I couldn’t help it. My marriage was due to Zeus’ guilt over the maltreatment Hephaestus had received when he’d been an infant. Born deformed, Hera and Zeus had been disgusted by the sight of him. Sneaking off in the middle of the night, Hera had tossed him into the sea. Zeus had taken no action against Hera, instead allowing Hephaestus to suffer the fate his mother had left him to.

  Unfortunately for her, Hephaestus was rescued by the lovely Thetis. Taking pity upon him, she offered him a workshop in her watery lands. Soon he became a masterful craftsman of weapons and jewelry, unmatched in glory. Once he reached adulthood, Hera soon began to see the error of her ways, eventually opening a pathway for him to reenter Olympus. When he returned he was grown and bitter toward all of the gods, but especially Hera and Zeus.

  While I did feel sympathy for him because of it, Hephaestus grew up to be a harsh and condescending man. I knew his feelings for me were genuine, but I could not reciprocate. I could not bear his touch or the way he treated others.

  The gods and goddesses of Olympus had judged Hephaestus his whole existence and had left him scarred and twisted in more ways than just physical. To make amends, Zeus had offered me up on a platter to Hephaestus. Initially, I had been appalled but soon became resigned to the marriage. Few said no to Zeus and lived to speak of it. His guilt toward his son had colored Zeus’ perception of him, and I knew I shouldn’t have spoken so harshly when I heard Zeus’ angry intake of breath.

  “You dare?” he seethed, rising from the couch and stalking toward me.

  I was growing tired of his posturing, and considering the day I was having, I bravely raised a delicate hand toward him. Zeus stopped in his tracks and stared at me in shock. “Zeus, please just – let’s just stop. I know you’re almighty Zeus himself, King of Olympus, King of the World and all that, but let’s get real for a second. You and I both know you couldn’t have chosen a worse match if you tried so don’t get all righteous about how we ended up. Can we close the book on Hephaestus for a little while and talk about the other issue?”

  Zeus stared at me for a longer period than was comfortable when he finally let out a long breath. He seemed tired and truly like the weight of the world was upon him. I began to feel myself soften toward him and almost reached out when he surprised me with the two little words I never expected to hear.

  “You’re right.”

  “Wait? What? I’m right? Well, smite me where I–”

  “Enough,” Zeus barked. “Let’s get down to why I’m really here.” Offering me a shark’s smile, he gestured for me to sit back down on the couch. Looming over me for a second, he strolled over to the kitchen and rummaged through the refrigerator. Pulling out a Coke, he opened it and pulled a long swallow from the bottle.

  Nervous and wondering what he was up to, I complied and gingerly sat down. I crossed my legs and tapped my fingers on my knee. Having the King of the Gods in your kitchen was not something that happened on a daily basis. I kept my eye on him as he carried the Coke over and stood at the edge of the breakfast bar. He looked uncomfortable in my home, too much man for too small a space.

  “I want you to make someone fall in love for me.”

  I stared at him waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  “And?”

  “And what, dear?” Zeus tipped the bottle up again.

  “I’m the Goddess of Love. It’s kinda my thing. How can this possibly equate to a punishment?” As soon as it popped out of my mouth I knew Zeus would take the statement as a challenge.

  “You’d prefer something more strenuous, Aphrodite? I can certainly have it arranged.” He tossed the bottle in the air and, just as it was a
bout to shatter into a thousand little pieces on the top of the imported marble bar, he waved a hand and the bottle disappeared.

  A parlor trick, really. Everyone in Olympus was well aware that Zeus could take entire civilizations down with one swipe of that massive hand.

  “No. No, Zeus. I’m just curious…you must know that something like this doesn’t seem like a challenge for me, right?” I knew I was digging myself into a large hole but couldn’t seem to find a way out. This was way too easy, which meant Zeus knew something I didn’t. Of course he did. His prowess for trickery was legendary.

  “Truly, dear, that’s all I ask of you.” His tone was deceptively casual. There was something much deeper than a small match at play here. “There is a man and a woman, fated to be together since the beginning of time. Bring them together and you will be rewarded. Pull another Bonnie and Clyde stunt and you will spend the rest of your days bringing Hephaestus molten lead from the fire pits of Hades.”

  Ah, the Catch-22. It still didn’t seem to be that big of a deal, though. I was Aphrodite for crying out loud, bringing people together since ancient Greece. I’d had some slip-ups for sure. Who knew Bonnie and Clyde would be so devilish together? Unfortunately, I hadn’t seen that one coming. Or Romeo and Juliet. Sheesh. Communication had been a problem throughout history and it was especially so with those two lovesick teenagers.

  All right…maybe Zeus did have a point with this, but I had been responsible for some of the strongest love matches in Hollywood. Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, Heidi Klum and Sea– damn it. I’d been alive for millennia. There had to be one. I decided to think about my track record later.

  “What’s so special about this couple?” I knew full well that Zeus would not interfere with mortals unless it benefited him in some way.

  “Nothing special at all,” he said, but not before I caught a flicker of unease in his emerald gaze.

  “I don’t believe you. Spill it, Zeus. What do you get out of the deal?” I walked toward him, intent on knowing the reason why he was giving me such an easy task.

  “That is for me to know, Aphrodite. Do not concern yourself with matters of royalty. When you awaken tomorrow, you’ll have a message from me with the information you need to begin. Two weeks, dear. No more. If you do not succeed, you can look forward to an eternity in Hades.”

  I shuddered, imagining spending the rest of my life waking up next to Hephaestus. No thanks. I’d do whatever was necessary to throw the two humans together and have them sloppy in love by the allotted time.

  “How will I know who the couple is?”

  “Why, Aphrodite, you’re the Goddess of Love, aren’t you? I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Zeus winked at me and blinked out of sight.

  2

  Chapter Two

  A few hours later I stood in the kitchen, steaming milk over the gas stove. I was hung over, cranky, and confused. I had decided to turn this into something constructive because I was craving an espresso like nobody’s business. When the milk was done, I pulled the pot off the heat, set it to the side, and began to crank up the espresso machine, all the while pondering the events of the morning. I knew sometimes I wasn’t very quick, but I couldn’t fathom what Zeus’ motives were. I had screwed up in an epic way and, yes, I definitely felt I deserved to be punished. I fully expected to be cleaning up after the filthy nymphs (they may be beautiful but they were like fraternity brothers on crack) or doing some royal spying, not making a love match between humans that normally Zeus didn’t care a fig leaf about.

  I was slightly freakish about my coffee so I’d spent the better part of a decade learning to pull the perfect shot. The word instant and coffee used in the same sentence were tantamount to sacrilege so instead of continuing to spend money at the local overrated shops, I invested in a machine. I had been hooked ever since. Keto was also and now stood in my kitchen as a young man, having shed the dove guise. No matter how much he shifted, or what he shifted into, he never managed to leave the bird behind. He had chosen a shape that no one would probably look twice at. Unassuming, his face was perfectly ordinary except for his beaked nose. Dark brown, intelligent eyes stared at me as he tapped his fingers on the counter next to the stove. He was as impatient as I was for coffee. I poured the perfect amount of coffee into the machine, tamped the grounds down, tapped the side of the machine, and tamped the grounds down again.

  I placed the glass under the nozzle and watched the dark brew pour into the cup. Sometimes I wondered if everyone else in Olympus knew the simple joys of being on earth. Just the act of pulling an espresso shot was enough to give me a bone deep sense of satisfaction that I had made the right decision to leave Olympus. A small thing but with the visit this morning, I decided I deserved a second of feeling accomplished.

  After setting the glass on the countertop I did the only thing a girl could do when she doesn’t know what else to do. I called my BFF. Literally called her. Because she was a goddess and all that.

  “Artie.” I waited a few seconds and then for good measure yelled again. “Artie. Get your geeky ass down here. I know you can hear me.”

  Artie appeared in my kitchen with a puff of blue smoke and a shriek.

  “Abby, dammit. Stop doing that. You do know about the invention of the cell phone don’t you? Or email. How ‘bout email, you antiquated hag?” Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, or as she liked to refer to herself, Everything Else That Is Awesome, brushed an imaginary speck of dirt off her skirt and glared at me.

  “Hey, sweetcheeks,” I said, struggling not to laugh.

  “Hey, yourself.” Artie acknowledged Keto’s presence with a nod. “What’s up, Bird Brain?”

  Keto gave her a slight smile and nodded without saying anything. Those two had a weird relationship I had yet to understand. Sometimes I wondered if there were more to their dynamic than I could see, but I chose not to examine that too fully. Keto and Artie getting freaky was a little too weird for me to imagine and I was the Goddess of Love. Some things boggled the mind. I had decided a long time ago if there was something going on, I would never interfere. And I never asked. This inquiring mind didn’t want to know.

  Artie was a beauty, but so far I had been unable to convince her of it. Her deep violet eyes blinked at me owlishly behind a pair of square black spectacles, giving her a slightly geeky look that somehow worked. Her lips were set in a pout, and she ran her hands through her bangs making them stick up in all directions. Her heart-shaped face showed displeasure at being summoned away.

  “So what’s up, Aphro? What imaginary slight could have occurred this time? Did Ares try to leave a toothbrush over here again? Apollo peeping in your windows? Why the dire summons? I was right in the middle of something, you know.”

  I hesitated to tell her how angry Zeus was at me for fear she’d disappear. For all her coolness, Artie was a bit of chicken when it came to big bad Zeus. She’d rather hide under a rock than face him. Now don’t get me wrong. She was completely badass when cornered, and I couldn’t imagine anyone that I’d rather have at my side, but Zeus was one dude she didn’t want to take on. Not that anyone did, I reminded myself with a shake. Someone would have to be a complete moron to anger him. Which I was. A giant moron. And now I had to figure out exactly what it was that he wanted from me, because it wasn’t just matchmaking he had in mind.

  There was something fishy about this whole thing, and while I fully deserved this punishment, I also intended to find out why the heck he had such a vested interest in this couple. Artie stared at me expectantly and then her eyes zoomed in on the cup of espresso in my hand.

  “Wha­–?” she croaked. “You didn’t make me one?” I handed over my cup dutifully and trudged back to the machine to pull another shot for me and for Keto who stood patiently by.

  Artie settled herself and her voluminous skirt at the bar and cupped her hands around my cup of espresso. She was silent for a second and then murmured, “You haven’t answered my question yet, kiddo. That serious?”

&
nbsp; My hand rested on the knob of the espresso machine and I felt my shoulders slump. “Yup, Artie. That bad.” She was silent, no doubt trying to figure out what I possibly could have done this time.

  “I managed to anger Zeus. Big time.”

  “Big time?” Artie echoed, taking a long sip of her espresso and raising an elegant brow at me.

  “Big time,” I repeated. “I may have exposed our secrets to humans and inadvertently forgotten to turn my glamour off when I was at the KISS concert last night.”

  A clatter and crack greeted this announcement and when I turned around, the espresso mug lay in pieces on the bar and Artie was staring at me, face pale and mouth open.

  She said nothing for a long moment and finally said, “Um. Abs, if you did that, odds are extremely high you’d be dead.”

  “Well, here I am.” I chirped and hurriedly grabbed a rag out of the sink to wipe up the remnants of the spilled espresso before it ruined my hardwoods.

  “Oh, sorry,” she muttered and rose from the stool as I wiped down the counters and floor. She looked at me quizzically.

  “Why didn’t you just zap that up?”

  Keto choked out a strangled noise. He was well aware I had been struggling with my powers. About two months ago, my powers started acting a little wonky and while I wasn’t too concerned yet, I tended to take care in how much power I used for fear of a major malfunction. I had been meaning to ask Zeus about it, but apparently that ship had already sailed.

  I was hoping she hadn’t noticed.

  “I’m living in the human world now, Artie. When in Rome and all that.” I kept my eyes down as I finished cleaning up the spill, hoping she wouldn’t call me on my lie.

  “Huh,” was all she said and she gave me a long, measuring look that told me the conversation was over for now but not forever.

  I finished pulling another espresso for Keto. I handed him the cup and tried not to notice the meaningful look he shot me as he accepted it and walked out of the kitchen, leaving us to our girl talk. Reaching up into my cabinet, I searched for my peacock cup. Yes, I knew Hera loved peacocks, but she couldn’t take everything away from me. If I wanted to have a peacock mug, I could have a peacock mug.